After SCOTUS ruling school's football team renamed to "The Christians"

Pic from the LATimes.

This really could be fun!

The football team and booster club of the high school behind the Supreme Court ruling allowing a coach to lead a prayer at the 50 yard line for the team has renamed the team to The Christians. According to the team's new coach "The name adequately represents the members of the team, at least most of them." The President of the booster club also claims "This new name will bring new ways to support our team while praising our Lord Jesus Christ!" She released a list of ideas for fans attending the game:

• Fans can dress up as priests and nuns and even popes.
• Kids can dress like altar boys
• Rosaries will be distributed to replace spirit towels.
• Bibles will be passed out instead of bobble heads
• When faced with 4th and long fans will be encourages to say the Hail Mary
• Chants of "Crucify Them! Crucify Them!" 
• Special events will be planned when The Christians play The Lions
• Prior to the game the rosary will be prayed on the 50 yard line
• Cheerleaders will be dressed like nuns
• Teams will run out of their lockers under the fog of burning ashes
• Attending a game on Saturday will count towards attending church on Sunday

"We look forward to our fans coming out and supporting the team and celebrating the Christian religion much like the fans at the Washington Redskins used to do. After our prayer on the 50 yard line we hope our Christian team knocks the living shit out of our fuckin opponents. Amen."

Rapist Across Texas applauds SCOTUS abortion briefing

(Austin Texas) Rapist Across Texas (RATS) issued the following statement concerning the leaked Supreme Court briefing overturning Roe v Wade.

Members of RATS are ecstatic over the leaked brief overturning Roe v Wade even for rape or incest victims. We may be rapists but we should have a right to spread our seeds without fear of being arrested or our rapist child being terminated. We have to thank our friends from Texas, Governor Greg Abbott, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, and the entire Republican Party for their courage, leadership, and hypocrisy  in supporting our rights to rape. And we greatly appreciate the new members of the SCOTUS for lying their way onto the Supreme Court. This is a trait of every republican running for office.

The Republican Party truly stands for the rights of RATS.

After Michigan shooting TX Gov Greg Abbott calls for arming high school Seniors

Pic from OffTheGridNews

#NoPlaceButTexas

After the shooting at a Michigan high school leaving 4 students dead and 6 wounded Texas Governor Greg Abbott is now calling for arming high school seniors in order to make our school safer. According to Abbott "Students in Texas should feel safe knowing that the star football player or the President of the Student Association is carrying a loaded firearm and is ready to protect them from an active shooter."

Over the last few legislation sessions Abbott has signed a number of gun friendly laws. In 2009 Abbott supported an open carry policy allowing trained and licensed gun owners the right to carry loaded weapons in public. Last session he went even further allowing permit less carry giving any gun owner the right to open carry without training or securing a license. "The next logical step is to allow guns to be carried into schools by responsible students."

Texas has had our share of gun shootings in schools and we have taken decisive action to address this. After the Santa Fe high school shooting leaving 10 kids dead we took swift action and passed an open carry bill and a bill allowing the arming of high school teachers. We went further in allowing anyone to carry a gun and passed Permitless Carry which included gang members, drug dealers, MS13, Crips, and people who dress up like GI Joe. 

Ever since passing lax gun laws our rate of deadly shootings has skyrocketed proving our new gun laws are clearly working. "Allowing students to carry guns into the class room should give every Texan a sense of security never seen before."

PRESS RELEASE: Texas Governor, calls for mandatory vasectomies for young men

Sept 9, 2021

Governor's office in it's desire to eliminate rapists from Texas calls for free vasectomies for men.

Austin, Texas (Sept 9, 2021) – After signing a historic ban on abortions in Texas with no exemptions for rape or incest, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has stated it will rid Texas of all rapists. As a part of this new policy Governor Abbott is calling for mandatory and free vasectomies for men over the age of 18 years old.

According to Governor Abbott “Rape is a crime, and Texas will work tirelessly to make sure we eliminate all rapists from the streets of Texas by aggressively going out and arresting them and prosecuting them and getting them off the streets. So goal no. 1 in the state of Texas is to eliminate rape so that no woman, no person, will be a victim of rape,” 

The State of Texas is ranked #1 in number of rapes with over 14,000 over the last year alone. To help women who have been raped Abbott claimed that providing free vasectomies for men would prevent these unwanted pregnancies. 

Abbott is feeling backlash from both sides of the aisle but he claims he intends to press forward. "Let me be clear to those opposing my plan, I intend to fight for Texas women and will beat off the opposition with both hands!"

Group sues Texas Senator Ted Cruz for defamation of character

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Austin Texas. After learning of Ted Cruz sending his children to a private $30,000/year school which requires masks for all students, teachers, and the administration, the following Texas organization has issued the following statement:

The State of Texas has a proud history of being a bunch of hypocrites including Christians claiming to endorse the "sanctity of marriage" yet have been married and remarried multiple times and politicians claiming to be Christians yet endorsing separating children from their parents. But no one, let us stress, no one is more of a Texas sized hypocrite than Ted Cruz. No one is more of a sniveling coward like Ted Cruz. His hypocrisy makes true hypocrites silly.

Because of this, the members of Society of Hypocrites of Texas (SHIT) have decided to file suit against Ted Cruz for defamation of character. The hypocrites of our state such as every Republican and most Christians are ashamed of his hypocrisy. It make our members look bad.

Let us be very clear. We are not going to take this shit from Ted Cruz.

Fighting Dog Club voice support of Abbott's veto of bipartisan bill to protect dogs

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Wednesday June 23, 2021
Fighting Dog Clubs of America
1-800-DOG-FGHT

Caset Texas. The Fighting Dog Clubs of America with over 20 organizations in Texas which raise and trains dogs to engage in rough "play time" has issued the following statement in support of Texas Governor Greg Abbott's veto of the bipartisan bill protecting abused dogs:

We proudly stand with Greg Abbott's veto of the bipartisan bill protecting abused dogs. Our dogs are chained up for good reasons. Most are trained from the day they are born to be mean and to defend themselves. Chaining a dog to a tree helps us accomplish this goal as well as protects the public from this rabid animal. We thank Texas Governor Greg Abbott for his courage in vetoing this bill that would make chaining and abusing a dog a felony. 

We hope the Governor will accept our invitation to throw out the first puppy at the opening dog fight here in the back woods of Caset Texas. Beer and hot dogs will be served.

#NoPlaceButTexas

Texas Governor Greg Abbott issues a statement on the #DerekChauvinTrial

 

April 21, 2021 Austin Texas

From the desk of Governor Greg Abbott

Texas Lt Governor Dan Patrick: On this holy day let us prey

Texas Lt Governor Dan Patrick offers a special prayer for this Easter:

Oh Lord Let us prey.
Let us prey on the cold for they cannot flee to Cancun
Let us prey on the voters for they cannot easily vote.
Let us prey on the poor for they cannot afford to fight.
Let us prey on the sick for they are too weak to fight.
Let us prey on the Hispanics for they will not vote.
Let us prey on the Blacks for their lives do not matter.
Let us prey on the disabled for they are weak.
Let us prey on the Muslims for they are now targets of hate
Let us prey on the Asian population for they brought us COVID.
Let us prey on the Immigrants for they do not belong here.
Let us prey on the police as we flood the streets with guns.

And oh Lord
Let us prey on our supporters for they are too ignorant to know we are preying on them.

Texas Lt Governor Dan Patrick on #WhackTheBlue at the #Txlege

 

Texas Republican Q Party coming to Clear Lake! #WeAreTheStorm

A "rally" at the Church of the Nazarene, Michael Hull, Pastor, is coming to the Clear Lake area. Hosted by the Republican "Q" Party of Texas. #WeAreTheStorm

p.s. The meeting is real. But Qbacca is actually in jail waiting for his trial after his acts of insurrection. The Emcee is from SD12. This meeting is being held in SD11.

Texas Republican Party leads the way at the Capital riots

 #WeAreTheStorm

Bay Oaks Country Club to host a New Years Party

The folks at the Bay Oaks Country Club in Clear Lake are not going to let a little COVID pandemic stop them from having some fun on New Years eve!

For just $125 you can eat, drink, and dance your way into the New Year at the Country Club. What can be more festive than an open bar, delicious hot hors d'oeuvres, and dancing to a live band with your friends and neighbors!

So, kick off that mask, let your hair down, and come on out to usher 2020 out!

Airline security questions Texas State Representative on flight to Pennsylvania

November 8, 2020 Houston, Texas. Texas State Representative Briscoe Cain was held and questioned when attempting to board a flight from Houston to Philadelphia. According to Homeland Security Officials Cain was held for over an hour prior to the flight. From a spokesman:

We were alerted to the issue by an anonymous posting on Facebook. The picture of Cain raises serious questions about the safety and liability of the airline and required immediate attention. A review of his twitter feed confirmed our suspicions. We held Cain for approximately 1 hour to verify his identification. He would have been released much sooner but we were unable to contact his mother to verify his age.

Homeland Security has strict protocols concerning a minor flying alone. Out of an abundance of caution we held Cain back until he could prove he wasn't a 12 year old or acted like one.

Texas Republican Party denounces Trump lack of character

From the Dallas Morning News:

“His behavior does not reflect the values of the GOP of Texas, and we do not wish to promote anyone of his character,” the party said in a statement.

Well.... ok. That really isn't exactly what they said but it is pretty funny when the party of "wholesome, christian, conservative family values" will take a stand against a republican candidate for violating their oath of honor yet will do nothing about their leader for porking a porn star, paying her off, and covering it up.

Republican Senate candidate Vanessa Tijerina was recently arrested for driving under the influence with children in the car. In Texas that is a felony. Much like Trump she has had multiple run ins with the law:

Tijerina has had legal problems in the past. As a Green Party candidate for Congress in 2016, Tijerina was arrested for a food stamp and Medicaid scam in which she received thousands of dollars for falsely claiming that she was a single-parent household even though her child’s father was living with them and was a wage-earning member of the family, according to court records.

So Tijerina crossed the line and the Republican Party will throw her in the garbage while standing with trump in the dump.

Baptists praise Texas Gov Greg Abbott's order to close bars

The Texas Association of Holy Evangelicals issued the following statement concerning the bar closures ordered by Governor Greg Abbott:

Praise the Lord for God's intervention and the courage of our great Governor. Since the repeal of the 22nd Amendment of the Constitution, Prohibition, the Baptists of Texas has urged state leaders to end the sale of alcohol in our great state. Alcohol in any form has contributed to the downfall of our great state, infecting young adults at the early age. It has resulted in alcoholism, addiction to drugs, unwanted pregnancies and adulterous activity. It truly is the devil's nectar. 

The members of the Association of Holy Evangelicals (ASSHOLES) are firmly behind Greg Abbott's and the Republican Party's order to close bars across Texas.

The ASSHOLES of the Republican Party will celebrate at the Redneck Bar and Grill Monday evening with an open bar.....oh wait....

Texas Republican Party new logo?

The Texas Republican Party should consider changing their logo to represent their convention and their new party.

Yesterday during their online/offline screwed up convention some of the delegates ousted their current Chair and voted in a perfect individual who will represent the Texas Republican party very well, former Congressman from Florida Allen West. West has been certified by the National Association of Nut Makers as 100% nuts. "After reviewing West's record we can say with 100% accuracy that West is a perfect individual to lead the members of the Texas Republican Party. Just like Donald Trump he truly is one f*cked up human being."

The GOP Convention has been a joke from day one, mired in technical difficulties, reboots, with many just giving up trying to participate. It is fitting that those who were able to actually gain access to vote elected someone like West to be their leader. He began his career in Florida and served in Congress as one of the tea baggers of 2010. He served only 1 term. He was endorsed by Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent. He will serve Donald Trump and his extreme right wing agenda very well.

His election topped off one screwed up convention for one screwed up party. For gosh sakes, what the living f*ck happened to you guys?

Texas Gov Greg Abbott: Republican teachers will go back to school

July 12, 2020 | Austin, Texas | Press Release

Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued the following statement in response to concerns about opening schools during a pandemic:

The great state of Texas is under attack by an invisible enemy causing our great economy to collapse and parents of school aged children and our teachers worried about returning to school. Because of this concern my party will now lead the way just as I and President Trump have. When schools open in mid August all Republican teachers and children of republican voters will return to the class room. All others will teach and learn from the safety of their home.

According to the plan all republicans teachers and parents who return to in-person schools must self quarantine for at least 14 days from others including your neighbors, your family, and your friends. We ask that they shop for groceries through a delivery service. Shop for other items via Amazon or other online companies. Because they will be attending on a daily basis this quarantine will continue throughout the Fall semester and will begin once again in the Spring.

Following the guidelines created by Governor Abbott and by showing your courage as members of the Republican Party we will be able to show how to face this horrible, uncontrolled, killer, pandemic even though many will get sick and possibly die. I am proud to put the teachers and the children of parents who are republicans as guinea pigs for the good of the State and my political legacy.

If you voted for me in the past, you will be expected to show up.

Texas GOP votes to have their COVID Convention in Houston

6000 ignorant republicans all crammed into the George R Brown Convention Center during a raging, out of control, pandemic. What could possibly go wrong? The Texas Republican Party executive committee voted 40-20 to continue with plans to hold an in person convention which means 1/3 of the executive committee is beginning to think with their heads instead of their nose.

Maybe some of them read about Herman Cain, the former GOP presidential candidate, who is now hospitalized with COVID after attending the Trump foley in Tulsa. Or maybe they read that their leader, Greg Abbott has finally realized he screwed up the reopening of Texas and is now requiring the wearing of masks across the state. Or maybe they just finally pulled their heads out of Donald Trump's ass and smelled the virus.

Not only will 6000 delegates meet in the convention center, many will pay to attend an elegant gala, or a luncheon with elected officials, and others will attend training sessions such as "How to avoid being labeled a racist".

The Texas GOP also voted to put the following rules in place for all attendees:

1. Wearing a mask is mandatory even if wearing a hood.
2. Social distancing will not be allowed. It is not needed.
3. Remember the virus is a hoax. Act like it.
4. If you are sick do not come to the event.
5. If you are poor, do not come to the event.
6. If you are Latino, do not come to the event.
7. If you are Black, do not come to the event.
8. If you are a person of color, do not come to the event.
9. If you are a police officer, do not come to the event.
10. If you are a teacher, do not come to the event.
11. If you are Muslim, do not come to the event.
12. If you are not racist, do not come to the event.

Trump Campaign issues COVID guidelines for the Tulsa rally

The Trump campaign has issued a set of guidelines in order to protect the freedom of supporters attending the rally scheduled for June 20 in Tulsa Oklahoma at the BOK Center. The Center holds about 20,000. Due to the size of the crowd and the indoor location the following guidelines should be followed by all attendees:

1. Sign the waiver of liability prior to attending.
2. Wearing a mask is optional. It is not needed.
3. Social distancing will not be allowed. It is not needed.
4. Remember the virus is a hoax. Act like it.
5. If you are sick do not come to the event.
6. If you are poor, do not come to the event.
7. If you are Latino, do not come to the event.
8. If you are Black, do not come to the event.
9. If you are a person of color, do not come to the event.
10. If you are poor, do not come to the event.
11. If you are a police officer, do not come to the event.
12. If you are a teacher, do not come to the event.
13. If you are Muslim, do not come to the event.
14. If you are not racist, do not come to the event.

Follow these easy guidelines and everyone will have a beautiful event.

Tx Representative Money Mayes Middleton: Money Matters

State Representative "Money" Mayes Middleton from Galveston has gathered a few of his republican buddies and wrote to Governor Abbott to urge him to return the state to work.

"We need you to open the state so a few Texans can be the guinea pigs for this viral experiment. Sure some, maybe many, will die, but my stock options need your help and their sacrifice."

Ok. That isn't what he wrote, but you get the idea. Money Mayes put $2.5Million of his own money into his run for State Representative spending 5 times more than what would have been necessary if the race was competitive. It wasn't. Not even close. This is a new thing for the Republican Party. Find a rich person, let them use their own money, hope for a win. Some have not been successful such as Kathaline Walls and Tony Buzbee. They lost in an embarrassing fashion. Mayes won his race and is serving up his constituents to the virus.

Money's letter contains the new dog whistle calling the COVID-19 the "Wuhan virus", Wuhan being a replacement for China. He only got 8 other republicans to sign this letter, notably missing is State Representative Dennis Paul in an adjacent district. Paul's wife is Asian-American. He did get the signature of Little Baby Briscoe from Baytown but considering Briscoe's radical, racist comments in the past, that was expected. And he got right wing nut Tony Tinderholdt who is working on his 5th or 6th marriage. Others who signed on are:

Matt Krause
Valoree Swanson
Bill Zeldler
Matt Schaefer
Kyle Biedermann
Mike Lang
Tony Tinderholdt